Where I’ve Been And Where I’m Going…

Please don’t look at the previous post’s date.  It’s been forever, more like forever and a day.  I didn’t forget about my little corner of cyberspace.  But, to be honest for the last year, my motivation and creativity has been stalled.  Every time I tried to open my laptop to reconnect with you here, I got embarrassed or ashamed.  Embarrassed for taking so much time away and ashamed for not having the capacity to think of anything truly new to share.  

It's been a year, more like it’s been more than a year.  I had still been plugging away in my first grade class but my heart hadn't been in it as fully as it had been in the past.  The truth is, trying to get pregnant was a struggle.  Wanting to start a family was all consuming and all of my energy, thoughts, and time went into it.  I know so many people struggle with infertility, but for me I couldn’t compartmentalize.  I could only focus on one thing at a time and for so long, that was starting a family.

       Thanks to modern medicine and science, we had a successful IVF round.  I got pregnant with my sweet baby girl and I was going to have everything I always wanted.  But still, my voice was muted and my creativity stalled.  I was so anxious that something terrible would happen to the baby while I was pregnant that again, I couldn’t open myself up.  I only created two TpT products my entire pregnancy because I just couldn’t channel any ideas.  I was still in the classroom, but not contributing as much as I had in the past. I wasn’t in the right mental space and just tired.  Oh so tired! 

But, thankfully the best day of my life came on June 1st when our sweet little girl, Charlotte Emma came into the world. She is the light of our lives and the most amazing gift.  I have loved every single minute of being her mommy.  Slowly, the fog is lifting and my creativity is coming back, which is part of the reason I’ve chosen to return and write this post.  I wanted to explain where I’ve been (in case anyone was wondering, and if not it’s been therapeutic for me) and also for the next part, where I’ll be going.

Life sometimes works in mysterious ways.  I came back to my first grade classroom right after Thanksgiving.  With a heavy heart and lots of tears, I dropped Charlotte at the babysitter and walked back into my classroom.  Thank goodness for the sweetest coworkers because I made it through my first day.  But, wow was that hard!  I accepted the fact that leaving my girl every day would be hard but it would get better as time went on. I wanted to get back into the classroom and find my teaching spark again. After I had started to accept that fact, life comes in and throws you a PLOT TWIST!

My husband had been interviewing with a company a few months back.  Nothing had really come of it, so we figured it was a dead end and we wouldn’t think much about it.  That’s when you know something is about to change.  The company, which has offices in NYC, where he’s worked for years, called him down to Tampa to interview at their headquarters. 

       The rest has happened very quickly.  A job that we originally thought to be in New York and then didn’t think would work out at all has become a completely different one entirelyin an entirely new state.  When my husband first received the news, I wanted to say no, absolutely not.  All of my family, so many of our friends, and our lives are in New Jersey.  We have an almost 8 month old and I have a tenured job I love.  Why would I leave?  Why would we leave?  I wrestled with the idea of this complete life change.  I don’t like change.  Change is uncomfortable and scary. 

       But, after a lot of late nights and long conversations, my husband and I decided that we would take a leap of faith.  We would pick up our lives and move to a brand new state, brand new city, without knowing a single soul in order to create the best life for our family.  The next few things moved at the pace of a high-speed train.  My husband gave his two weeks notice, I cried with my coworkers and principal as I resigned from my first grade position, and we put our apartment up for sale.  My last official day as a first grade teacher will be February 28th. Just a mere four weeks away.

       I’m heartbroken and hopeful at the same time.  Heartbroken to leave my school family that has taken such good care of me for the past seven years and hopeful that my new role as stay at home mom to the light of my life will be both fulfilling and the right decision for me/us.  

       We don’t have a house, we know no one, and we don’t have an official moving date.  But, we’re starting the process and visiting the area next weekend.  So, if you yourself live in the Tampa area or are familiar, I would love to hear your recommendations!

       If you’re still reading this, I thank you, from the bottom of my heart because I’m hoping you’ll stick around for the changes that will be coming to this blog too.  I’m thrilled to be working with Alexis from Laugh, Eat, Learn, to help redesign this blog to fit my new life and all of these changes.  My intentions for this blog was always to create a community where we could talk about things that were important to us, teach each other new ideas, and inspire each other to be better.  I don’t want that to change.  But, I am hoping that I can incorporate some more posts about motherhood, moving and starting over, and lifestyle in general on top of the teaching ideas and TpT resources that have always been here.  My hope is that you’ll come along for this crazy ride I’m about to embark on and also accept my apology for the long overdue silence.  It feels good to be back!

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